Relationships & Love
"Your heart and my heart are very, very old friends."
I am honored to guide individuals and couples in the area of ‘Relationships & Love’. Love is one of my highest values, and I do everything I can to protect it. I value a kind, authentic, aware, ego-dissolving Love that does not dissipate regardless of the form the relationship takes. Much like energy, true Love never disappears; it only changes form.
Single & Exploring Love
Do you desire companionship? Are you ready to become the person you need to be so you’re prepared for the partner of your dreams? Are you worried you’re going to ‘settle’ for someone out of comfort, fear, or cultural programming? Do you wish to break from unhealthy relationship patterns once and for all?
Currently in a Relationship
Have certain aspects of your relationship gone astray? Does your partner fully see, accept & love your most authentic self? Are you compromising your spirit or values? Do one or both of you have problems communicating openly & kindly? Do either of you face challenges relating to jealousy, control, or anger? Do you want to restore friendship, trust, or passion?
Recent Break-up or Divorce
Does a recent break-up have you filled with sadness, anger, or regret? Are you having trouble forgiving yourself or your former partner for mistakes made in the relationship? Do you need help 'letting go?' Do you seek guidance through this transition as you embrace a fresh, new identity outside of the relationship?
An Interstellar Love Story
“Where there is love, there is life.”
- Mahatma Gandhi
I once gave a speech at a wedding for a couple who fully embody a conscious union. Cheryl & Rico understand that marriage, in its purest sense, is a sacred promise to help each other evolve, support each other’s most magnificent dreams, and cultivate the greatest love possible between two human beings - a love that allows (and encourages!) each person to experience communion with the Divine.
The famous astronomer Carl Sagan wrote: for small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love.
Cheryl & Rico have experienced that vastness - and so much of what exists inside it. Not just the joys and ecstasies; they’ve experienced the challenges, the uncertainties, the unanswered questions, the impermanence of being. Yet even during those moments of extreme stress and fear, they continued strong, side by side, with compassion and maturity beyond their years.
They remind me of Carl Sagan himself, and his beloved fiancée, Ann, who were part of a team of scientists in the 1970’s that sent an unmanned spaceship from Earth to the far reaches of the galaxy. Ann wrote about how difficult it was to decide what exactly to put on the golden record attached to the side of that spaceship. This one record was meant to contain information about all of life on earth - the entire human experience - which would someday, maybe, be deciphered by other-worldly intelligences should they ever come in contact with the ship. When the project was complete, the spaceship blasted off containing music, photographs, greetings in 55 languages, a mixture of Earthly sounds, a salutation from the United Nations, and…
...an EEG containing the brain waves of a young woman thinking about the man she loved.
It was Ann herself, madly in love with Carl, who volunteered her thoughts to be recorded for non-human entities to someday find and interpret so that they might glimpse into what is surely one of the most precious and extraordinary experiences in the entire Universe: to love as a human being.
What sort of love are you cultivating in your life? Is it a raw, vibrant, pure Love that you would deem worthy of being discovered as a shining example of Love at the far reaches of the galaxy?
The Many Paths of Love
“Don’t think because this life was brief, that is wasn’t absolutely everything.”
- Carole Maso
Someone once told me, “Jaclyn, what you’re here to do is more important than any one relationship.”
This was not what I wanted to hear. At the time, the desire to develop a life-long partnership with my ‘one-and-only’ felt like THE most important thing to me. That desire was not biologically-based out of a longing to have children, nor was it steeped in a fairy tale vision of a long white gown and layered cake, nor was it influenced culturally, nor was it rooted in a fear of growing old alone… the desire stemmed from my yearning for spiritual intimacy through communion with another soul.
Knowing that about me, you can imagine the sting I felt when someone whose perception I trusted told me I might not be meant for just one life-long relationship. "Your purpose here is far greater than your relationship with any one person," he said. The comment caused me to think back to a day in high school when my girlfriends and I were sitting around a table in the mall, eating Sbarro and predicting each other’s futures. My friends had unanimously agreed that I would not be the one to have babies first (or ever), and would not be the one with the fanciest career or biggest house - but they were convinced I'd have a lifetime overflowing with countless, unbelievable adventures and magical, soulful romances - while never fully settling into any one home, mindset, or companion.
What a strangely accurate lunch-time prophecy that’s turning out to be...
Either way - whether you are meant for one, sacred relationship, or a lifetime filled with Beloveds who help evolve your consciousness while you do the same for them - both seem like blessed lives to me. And, too, for all those devoted to a life of loving God alone, without any romantic partnership - so many blessings from my heart to yours! I sometimes contemplate that path myself, in moments of great peace.
Self-Esteem & Autonomy
“We possess beauty when we are true to our own being; ugliness is in going over to another order.”
Self-esteem is gained through your ability to be an autonomous human being. What does that mean? Self-sufficiency. Reliance on your own inner power. Holding yourself to a high standard of respect and having the confidence to settle for nothing less, so if ever you feel the need to walk away from a bad situation & choose a better life, you will do so. You must have the confidence to approach your life directly - to be able to say exactly what you need to say, exactly when you need to say it, without hesitation or fear. The more self-esteem you build, the less you can be compromised. If you can be bought - if you can be compromised - if you sell your soul for comfort, familiarity, or whatever else you're afraid of losing, you will always block your higher guidance. As Caroline Myss says, "it's a matter of spiritual shame."
I’m here to help you love & nurture yourself as you step into the authority of your life and begin making choices that authentically enhance your self-empowerment. The road to autonomy is sometimes steep because it requires that you finish all your unfinished business. If you’re ready to take on that challenge and reach your highest potential, I would be honored to help you arrive.
Remember: Do not think small! Stop being small. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. Do not be afraid to be the unshackled, free, extraordinarily beautiful human being that you are meant to be.
For Current Relationships
As with anything you wish to nurture and grow (a business, a plant, an idea...) your relationship is not something you can simply 'acquire' then sit back and expect to bloom.
What does it take for a relationship to thrive? Magic and romance, of course! Don't listen to anyone who says romantic love only lasts the first few years. These elements can be forever incorporated into your relationship. However, it does also take additional efforts to sustain a healthy partnership. These include:
Conscious, Peaceful Communication
Feeling of Safety & Protection
Variety & Change
Significance & Respect (each person must feel valued & seen)
Nurturing & Support (of each individual's path and of the couple's path together)
Deep Love & Compassion
Courage & Faith
Acceptance (of self and your partner; honoring your differences)
Integrity (toward yourself and for the relationship)
Spiritual Alignment (you must support of each other's soul-journeys)
I’m here to help you gain clarity on which of these essential elements need strengthening within your partnership. Together, we'll work through the process of reviving your partnership, including resolving difficult tensions that may have arisen due to deception, lack of respect, resentment, lack of passion, misunderstandings, or other yet-to-be-identified reasons you are feeling un-aligned.
“Gamble everything for Love if you are a true human being. If not, leave this gathering. Half-heartedness doesn’t reach into Majesty.”
You’ve heard it before, and you’ll hear it again: your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have. If you don’t respect yourself, take care of your own needs, properly manage your emotions, reign control over your mind, and honor who you really are, it will be extremely difficult to form a successful relationship with anyone.
When two vibrant, loving people meet amazing things can happen. They inspire each other to reach new levels of personal evolution they hadn’t reached before. Of course, we are all works in progress, and part of the beauty of a relationship is its ability to help each of its partners grow (together & individually). But it’s important to realize that the better off you are when you are alone, the better the relationship you’ll be able to create.
Remember: It’s not enough to be in the right place at the right time; you must also be the right person. So that’s where we’ll start…with you! I’m here to help you embody your most authentic self and choose your ideal partner.
Left: actual phrase overheard at Trader Joe's, "I think we have enough spice on the menu for tonight, Louise." Above: an awesome Chicago-couple who have two young children and run a business together. Right: a lovely couple on a retreat together!
When it’s Time to Leave
For your relationship to succeed, your Heart (feelings, love, warmth, emotional support), Spirit (bigger purpose, soul’s evolution, sense of peace & freedom), and Mind (practical compatibility, ability to communicate, core values) must ALL be telling you, “Yes, this relationship is amazing!"
If you've been feeling a big lack in any of those areas of your relationship, despite having devoted sincere time and energy into aligning them - or if you are with someone who does not adore & support your authentic self & bring out the best in you - or if you are in an emotionally, psychologically, or physically abusive relationship - it’s likely time for you to let go of the relationship and save your energy for other precious endeavors: friends, family, creative projects, work, new love, and yourself.
I understand it can be frightening to leave a familiar or ‘comfortable’ relationship behind (even if your intuition knows it's time to go) but waiting for a feeling of safety to come along before you make a change usually only results in a build-up of even more internal suffering. The only way to acquire a feeling of true security is to enter the whirlwind of change and come out the other end feeling alive and grounded in a new sense of self.
“I know it’s time to leave my relationship…but there’s something holding me back.”
• Have you become so comfortable with an un-fulfilling, disenchanted life that it feels normal to you?
• Are you afraid of the unknown?
• Do you not feel ready financially?
• Are you afraid of taking care of yourself emotionally?
• Are you afraid of being alone?
• Have you not yet built up pillars of support (friendships, personal hobbies, spiritual groups?)
• Are you stalling because you’re waiting for ______to happen before you move on? (a new job, new love, the kids to turn18)
• Have you sacrificed so much of your youth/time/energy that you feel too invested to leave?
• Are you afraid no one else will love you?
There’s nothing wrong with having hesitations or fears. However, it’s important to be aware of the reasons you’re giving yourself for staying in a relationship that is no longer serving your highest development. Once you have clarity on those reasons, you can work to overcome them so you are no longer compromising your life.
Matters of the (broken) Heart
Most people would rather walk through Mordor than experience a broken heart. Whether someone leaves you, or you leave a relationship that simply could not go on, there will likely be great pain. There are few things in life that come close to this difficult feeling.
When you suddenly find yourself alone after having grown accustomed to being in a relationship, you may face some challenging emotions. You may find yourself looking back and wondering, “Why did my relationship have to end? What could I have done differently?” Or worse, maybe you do realize what you could have done differently - maybe you’re brave enough & humble enough to see the shadow side of yourself. No doubt, this may cause further pain, as you may not like what you see. But remember: This insight is a gift. This is an opportunity to change.
“But I want my ex back!” you say.
Does any of this sound familiar: “I’ve made a huge mistake. I let my true love get away. I want a chance to be a better person in the relationship. God, give me another chance!” Before considering a return to your ex as your best option, ask yourself: Why did we break up in the first place? Have those problems been resolved? Are they even resolvable? Are both of us willing to work on our individual shortcomings? What if nothing changes after we get back together - will I have the strength to leave again?
Even though anyone can change at any age, it takes WORK to do so. Therefore, if you’re considering re-entering a relationship with someone who hasn’t already shown dedication to self-improvement, you may want to re-consider. And remember: you may need to change too, in order for the relationship to thrive.
As we work together, if you decide you would like to ‘fight for another chance’ in your relationship, we can do everything possible to make that happen for you. But know this - if your relationship was holding you and/or your partner back from becoming a more evolved human being, it will be near impossible to work against the Universe’s natural impulse to pull you towards enlightenment.
Painful to hear, I know, but guess what? Chances are, there's a new person out there preparing his/herself for you through a series of trials & errors just like you’ve been fine-tuning yourself through each of your prior relationships.
Don’t fret if you’re already 30, 40, or 75. Don’t worry if you feel like ‘all the good ones are taken.’ That is not the case. After all, you’re available! Take a deep breath. Take time for friends and family. Stay healthy. Stay strong. Don’t fall into a hole. Allow yourself to feel the pain of the loss (don’t repress it), but don’t dwell in the suffering. If you haven't already read the section on Self-Esteem/Autonomy. And I’m here to help you keep your life on track, so you continue growing into your very best self and are better prepared to create an even more fulfilling relationship down the road.